Hey gurl! (Imagine I'm Ryan Gossling saying that. It's less creepy. Or maybe creepier. Your choice.)

Well hello there! Sorry about the delay in responding to the urgent pleas of the interwebs for more bloggy goodness. You see what had happened was…So yeah. I was in Canada then I was in Cedar Rapids now I’m back in Texas. In truth I started a blog last week. Never hit publish. Still in my draft folder. It was all mopey and self-indulgent which if you really think about it, it’s my blog so I can write whatever I damn well please. It was really too much even for me so I shelved it. That’s what I get for trying to write during the full moon. Also I’d been reading David Sedaris and I think subconsciously I was mimicking his writing style. It works for a 50-ish gay dude. Not so much for a 30 year old man-child. But I digress. Or do I? Had I actually gotten to the gress? Hmmmm...Oh yeah, the point was I write just as good as David Sedaris. Yes. That’ll do nicely.

I’m grounded for the entire month of May! Which is actually pretty fine by me. Gives me a chance to catch up on things like making sure I remember to pay my bills on time and pretending to work out. Also it has allowed me to pause and consider that as of this Thursday I will have been 30 for 8 months. Crazy. Seems like just yesterday I was in 3^rd grade listening to NPR on the way to school. So much has changed. For instance, now I listen to NPR on the way to work and I have a retirement account.

Unfortunately for you dear reader, my time off the road has given me the opportunity to finally write down my list of the…wait for it…30 most important facts/things I’ve learned/observed/gleaned about myself and life and stuff since gaining the ability to remember over two decades of my life. Why a list? Because I write lists now. Lists are cool. Here we go:

1.     I’ve tried and failed to pull off a fedora on multiple occasions.

2.     I still get blindingly ragingly angry about the series finale of LOST

3.     Also why is it called LOST and not Lost?!?!

4.     What was that island?

5.     I am awesome at air guitar.

6.     I cry at commercials. Just the sad ones. Though advertising in general is probably worth weeping for the future of the world but that’s another entry entirely.

7.     Sometimes hard things just aren’t worth doing. Like swimming across the ocean. Or climbing Mt. Everest in shorts.

8.     Simplicity is harder to pull off than something complex.

9.     I sing in the car. With the windows down. At stoplights. I’m sorry.

10. I have eaten and enjoyed haggis.

11. Stay calm. What sucks right now will soon be replaced by something even suckier. This is known as the ‘Circle of Suck’.

12. You probably shouldn’t Google ‘Circle of Suck’.

13. I warned you didn’t I?

14. Time waits for no man. Unless you pull the battery out of the clock.

15. We’ve reached the halfway point. Congratulations for sticking with me. It’ll be over soon I promise.

16. I can be an asshole sometimes. Or most of the time. It really depends on what day you catch me.

17. I’m working on that whole asshole thing.

18. On the whole I think I am a pretty good person.

19. I am very much a work in progress.

20. I just don’t see what the big deal about Frozen is.

21. I say y’all a lot.

22. We’ve been through a lot these last few years but Apple I still love you. And yes I already love the new iPad Micro before you’ve even thought of it.

23. Admit it, you still think ‘That’s what she said.’ is pretty great.

24. I have traveled to 9 countries. Only 187 to go.

25. Life is chaotic, messy, stressful, and pretty damn great.

26. If I could change one thing about me I would lighten up a bit.

27. Skinny jeans are not for the faint of heart. Or chunky of thigh.

28. I am incredibly lucky. Not a platitude or an affirmation. Just the truth.

29. Star Trek is, and always will be, better than Star Wars. That is a statement of fact.

30. I am finally ok being a nerd/geek/embodiment of awesome. Gotta play to your strengths.

31. I used to think that if I hadn’t done something incredible by the time I was 35 I’d climb Mt. Everest. That way if, and when, I died at least I’d be remembered for dying while climbing Mt. Everest. Instead I think I’ll hang around a while. See what the next 30 years looks like.

Ok so that was 31 things. But they were all great. And mostly I’m too lazy to go back and delete one so there ya have it. Thanks for reading. For putting up with my sporadic and often rambling posts. You’ve really been there for me internets. I heart you.

Till next time. Adios y’all.